Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize