I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
