we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
