Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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