So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Randomize
