My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
