I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
