she was so not down for the gang bang
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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