Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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