Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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