Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
