dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
