We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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