why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize