Fine. I'll sleep in my office
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
