Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
