I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
