somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
