You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
