So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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