So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just threw up on my dentist
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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