i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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