I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I got her a Nickelback box set.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Randomize
