i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
