Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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