Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
