A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She's JV to your varsity
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
