i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
