Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
