Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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