Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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