The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
