I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
