Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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