I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
