So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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