I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize