So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
