I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
