You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
