I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
