I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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