She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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