No stitches, just platelets and will power
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
