I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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