I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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