I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
