about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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