So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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