Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
