Screwed.edu
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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