Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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