it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
