I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize