we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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