I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
