my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
