Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize