Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
