the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
