Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You've changed since you got that strap on
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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