Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
