I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize