i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
