It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
