I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
