are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
