Don't you send me to vm
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
